Tag Archives: alanon

The Road Back from The Dark Night of the Soul

I’m a rather calm, grounded, happy … even sparkly…. person.  So, when people find out about “my road”, they usually can’t believe it.  Not in the “no, you’re lying way” but in the “you’ve got to be kidding, I would have never guessed way”.

So, they wanna know how I did it. How I “turned out so normal” after…let’s just keep kindly referring to it as “my road”.

Well, “gentle reader”, there is no Rx for healing. Each person has their own healing language that works for them.  The trick is to just start.  Pay attention to what you are drawn to – a book, a class, a form of spirituality/meditation/prayer.  Maybe it doesn’t wind up being “it” or a cure-all for you but it will probably lead you to the next thing.

I’ve got a saying on my fridge that says “What if the next step is a leap of faith?” – Oh gosh, I can’t express enough how much I hate that!!! <insert wobbly giggle here> I want to see/feel/hear/taste/touch/sense the next stepping stone before leaping. I’m not a fan of “splat” and I’ve got huge “trust” issues in god/the universe/whatever…because of “the road”.

So, each leap of faith, is done while shaking…(or convulsing) and having to trust god/the universe/whatever to provide a decent landing spot.  Cuz frankly, although pain and sorrow have been quite the fertile muse…I’m willing to be mused in another way now…thank you very much.

lalala, rambling a bit here, sorry.  So, at the back of The Happiness Handbook is a whole list of resources that worked for me, one at a time throughout the whole journey thus far.  But if I had to give the top 3, I’d recommend that you check out.

The linking concept in each of these resources is that our minds are a very powerful tool. We don’t need to be at the “effect” of the crap that happens to us, we can “cause” or co-create the reality we want…it may take awhile, but we can do.

Oh, and as you saw in my recent alanon blog, a 12 step program has a certain perspective into a person’s behavior that may work too.

So, to those in the midst of “the dark night” – the pain is a guide, get support and above all…you can do it. After every night, there is a dawn and a new day.  (And…once you get through your first dark night…the others are easier to handle – what!? other dark nights?  There’s not just one?  Jenn, what the?????

Ahh, dear “gentle reader”, no one knows what lies ahead on the road – we only know that our “emergency kit” in the trunk keeps gaining tools!

To a lighter heart, and a warm loving smile on all our faces,

j.

The Happiness Handbook and Boundaries?

You know, some days it’s just weird having a blog and a book about happiness when…I’m not.

We’re working on a CD called Excavation in Urban Fiction; mining our old emotional baggage and finding that sorrow is an ironic muse.  So, of course in “excavation” some of this old stuff, it’s rich, it’s interesting…but not necessarily happy. – When we win the grammy for it, I reserve the right to change my mind! 🙂

Anyway, I digress from the blog title.  Awhile back, my best friend came over and said they had gotten themselves into a pickle and needed to detox.  I’ve been through crap and back, I’m healthy and have a healing vibe in my home so could they detox at my place?  We discussed it for days and looked into what the symptoms we could expect to emerge, what support there was for my friend and for me.

In the end, it came down to looking at what my own answers were to “what makes me happy” in my book.  Would my friend come out of this healthy but would I wind up crazy unhappy?

It was a very heavy decision, since I love this person with my big open heart and being from Minnesota, kinda used to just always helping!  But having the clarity from my book, it was with a heavy heart that I said “no”.

My friend checked into rehab and I checked out alanon. Thank goodness that I’d actually done my book!  By me knowing what makes me happy and using that to set my boundaries, I actually made a healthy decision for both of us.

Happy now?  Ahh, no…not really.  I’m looking at myself through the lense of alanon and there’s some behaviors I have had in the past that…sting.  But in the immortal words of Scarlett, “tommorrow is another day”!

Grateful now?  Absolutely, positively!  Check out what I’m grateful for this Thanksgiving.

wistfully,

j.

PS – oh, my friend is awesome and inspiring and doing really well!! Yeah, happy dance 🙂

Isn’t it weird how a person can both be happy and unhappy at the same time!