What Women Want – Connection

What is connection?

It’s the invisible path of energy/love/warmth/compassion/good feelings between two people.  Notice the word two people. When you’re in a romantic relationship with a women this is a closed loop.  That’s why some women go all wonky when they sense your energy path of warmth zoom over to another woman.  It’s a closed loop.  We are secure, confident and without worry when it’s a closed loop.  Open the loop, it all goes to hell.  Don’t believe me…try it and see (however, please note that I’m not recommending it!)

What makes a women feel connected with you?

Gosh darn it, it’s gonna be different for each amazing woman.  The biggest tip here is this:

When you first start dating someone:

  • Watch what actions you do/words you say that light her up (she’s feeling the most connected to you now.
  • Memorize this
  • Keep doing those things…especially after you’ve been together awhile

Are there “standard” things that make a woman feel connected?

I’ll start the list, please add in your own observations in the comments.

  • Touch.  But be careful, there are two kinds of touch.
    • There’s the type of touch (ex: hand on hand, or shoulder) when you are just sharing warmth or compassion. We can sense that you are giving to us and not asking anything in return.
    • Then there’s the touch that says “yo baby, let’s go get frisky“.  That’s good too but be clear that we know you are wanting something from us, this feels more like you are taking than giving.  On a day that’s been really tough with too much to do, if you start with this type of touch, you’re gonna be disappointed in the end result.
  • Conversation. You talk to us, share your day and your feelings.  I’m sorry, I know this isn’t the default for many guys
    but when women talk to other women – it’s the sharing of feelings that make us feel connected.  I’ll talk more about talking and feelings in another blog.

    • By the way, if we have to drag the conversation out of you, you really lose point.  Here’s what that sounds like: “Hi, how was your day?” “Fine” “What did you do today?” “Same ole, same ole” “Did you see your friends?” “Yeah“.  Ok, this…this doesn’t make us feel connected.  It feels like there’s a brick wall between us and our warm energy path of connection is being rejected.
  • Laughter, especially when it’s around a shared experience or shared memory. It feels like we’re in an exclusive club because, again, that energy pathway is just between us.
  • Being A Team.  This makes us feel like we’re in “it” (life) together, working on shared goals, achieving them and having help and support getting there.

Subscribe to the RSS feed; next week’s topic: The Truth About Chocolate

After that we’ll get back to:  What Women Want – Love

If you missed it, last week’s topic was:  What Women Want – The List

Anything else you’d add to the list?


Image purchased from istockphoto.

8 thoughts on “What Women Want – Connection

  1. Pingback: The Truth About Chocolate « Happiness Handbook

  2. Pingback: What Women Want - Love « Happiness Handbook

  3. Pingback: What Women Want « Happiness Handbook

  4. Jeanne

    Thinking about a recent reunion with some old friends, I felt most connected to those I shared an experience with and that were genuinely interested in what I had to share. Listening and paying attention is such a compliment and gives me that feeling of connection.

  5. firsttime reader

    Jenn, thanks for the interesting reading. I like your insights and think the great majority of what you write is very worthwhile. Forgive me for a first comment on something with which I completely disagree.

    Above you write that one should observe what pleases the other, memorize that and keep doing it. I’m paraphrasing. I disagree with this. I believe instead that one should do what comes naturally and honestly. To do otherwise is to pretend to be something one is not, unless those practiced actions do really become part of one’s nature.

    I base my opinion on my own observations, and a sample size of just one, so take it for what it’s worth. That’s very little. I do appreciate you sharing your opinions. Keep it up.


    A first-time reader.

    1. jflaa1 Post author

      Hey there first-time reader! Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment. I totally agree with you and I think we’re on the same page. You are so right on with being authentic and honest. Here’s where I was going with that “pay attention” bit, perhaps I got off track.

      I think it feels great when people pay attention. For example, if we hang out for coffee (whether it’s with a friend or a “friend”) and every time I order a soy latte with no whip. Then one day, the friend says “Go sit down, I’ll order”…but comes back with a double espresso, whole milk with whip. Yeah on the coffee getting, but “oh” on the order.

      But when the friend sits down and presents me with my favorite soy latte, no whip…ah, I breath a sigh of relief. It’s relief that’s not just about the coffee getting, or about getting it “right”….here’s what it is…. I have been seen. I have been paid attention to.

      That is a huge compliment! And it’s weird because the side effect is trust.
      Your thoughts?

      1. firsttime reader


        Thanks for the reply. I think you may be right when you say we are on the same page. What you wrote about appreciating being listened to makes great sense to me. I have recently taught co-parenting and much of what we discus is communication. I spend more time presenting not on what one should say but rather on how one should listen.

        I also agree with what you wrote about conversation. Those things have always come easy to me, but I do admit I am probably atypical in that regard. The things you describe are a struggle for many men. Still, there is wisdom in recommending discussing feelings and meaningful topics.

        My earlier comment really only applies to people with long-term goals. Re-reading your site I see that this came from a request to address SJSU frat boys on being a better boyfriend. Even though the title implies a long-term concern, if that is your audience, I think it likely that there are more than a few among them who have some less than long-term goals regarding the fairer sex. The advice to continue those behaviours that please one’s (desired) partner is certainly good advice for them.

        If I were to one day desire a partner, mine would be mostly long-term goals, I am sure. That likely colored my earlier response. What you write is obviously from the heart. Thank you for it.


      2. jflaa1 Post author

        Thanks again Bill for your thoughtful response. I’ve spoken to the SJSU guys several times and they’re always awesome – whether they were in a relationship or just eager researchers! They were respectful, good listeners and expressed their gratitude with a thank you note and a gift. A great start in their journey of transitioning from guys with character to men of character. 🙂
        All the best,

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