Before The First Date

Dating is like shopping for cantaloupe.  You pick it up, inhale it’s fragrance, give it a little touch, tap it and decide “this isn’t the one”. Then you repeat.

Why did you put the cantaloupe back? Whether you were aware of it or not, you had criteria.  All your senses were checking it out to see if it was ripe…I mean, right for you.

Your dating can go more smoothly toward your goal if you consider 4 things first:

  1. What’s your dating goal?
  2. How much sex do you need to be your best?
  3. What are your deal breakers?
  4. What are you looking for?

What’s Your Dating Goal?

Why are you dating?  For the most part we girls find this out, the next day when you don’t call.  That’s kind of evil.  So what if you were frank about what you were looking for and we could see if it matches what we’re after rather than feeling crappy, embarrassed, stupid etc the next day.  (No matter how great the sex was the night before, if we think you’re going to call again and you don’t…it turns the whole thing into a bad thing.  So, are you looking for:

  1. A little sex (one nighter)
  2. A no stings attached, let’s hang out from time to time…and have sex
  3. A long term deal

Should you really say it if you’re just looking for a one nighter?  I think so..cuz sometimes we are too 😉

How Much Sex Do You Need To Be Your Best?

What?  Why would you say that?  If you’re looking for more than a one nighter, it’s good to find out before you’re signing divorce papers that your libedos are not in sync.  One way or another someone’s gonna get frustrated…and then resentful.

What Are Your Deal Breakers?

These are the things you won’t compromise on. Figure them out and then ASK first or on the first date.  Do you want:

  • A non-smoker?
  • 420 friendly?
  • STD free?
  • Kids/no kids?

Whatever it is, it’s better to get this sorted earlier rather than once you’re attached to each other and the deal breaking behavior is now pushing your buttons.

What Are You Looking For?

I have to say, if I were writing this list for women, I would have led with this one. But my understanding is that you guys…lead with the other stuff!

So, what do you want in a woman? Of course you’ll have her physical characteristics on the list.  But what other things are must haves?

  • Likes/watches/plays/loathes sports
  • Reads Wall Street Journal/Time/People
  • Likes/hates chic flix
  • Sense of humor that matches yours/laughs (appropriately) at your stories/tells jokes
  • Religious/spiritual/agnostic

You get the idea.  Build your list because Kevin Costner taught us all that if you build it, they will come.


Basically, think with your brain while it’s still capable of rational thought.  We’ll enjoy the ride a lot more if we know what playing field we’re on.

Your thoughts?

Subscribe to the RSS feed; next week’s topic:  Dos and Don’ts for Ending The First Date

Adapted from In Sync With The Opposite Sex
Image purchased from istockphoto.

2 thoughts on “Before The First Date

  1. Jeanne

    Are you saying that you’ll want to talk about these things on that first date or before the first date? And what’s 420 friendly?

    I would like to think that anyone that doesn’t act the way they feel about these questions is being deceitful, but sometimes things just don’t click in the first few hours of dating.


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